I love participating in Diabetes Blog Week. Thanks to Karen Graffeo for organizing this for the past 6 years!
This is only my 2nd time, but I’m excited to get the topic each day and share my feelings/thoughts/ideas. Thanks for checking my blog out.
Today’s topic is: Many of us share lots of aspects of our diabetes lives online for the world to see. What are some of the aspects of diabetes that you choose to keep private from the internet?
The question itself was an easy one in my mind. Putting it to words is the difficult part and here’s why. When Joey was diagnosed with type 1 back in 2009 at age 8, I had no idea how dangerous of a disease that it was. My grandson Cooper was diagnosed with type 1 at age 22 months just 2 years earlier, in 2007. I knew that we almost lost Cooper at diagnosis, he spend 3 nights in the NICU at Children’s Hospital of WI.
Things changed that day, I wasn’t asked to babysit for Cooper, nor was anyone else because it’s such a , complicated disease to wrap your brain around. My daughter didn’t say what she was thinking, but it had to be: “I’m not letting you babysit until you get a handle on how to take care of my baby with type 1 diabetes!”
Fast forward two years. Mother’s Day, 2009. My 8 year old seemed sluggish, had been extremely thirsty, wet his pants on occasion. Starvation would come out of nowhere, and most definitely would be the cause of his death, at least according to him during one of his rages for food. So it made perfect since for his blood sugar to be in the 400’s when we checked him that day.
Now we have to figure out this disease because we are living it. Our 2nd grader had type 1 diabetes like our grandson. It’s our turn to attend classes and learn when to give insulin, and oh yeah, it’s not when their LOW!
No one told us about the dangers of type 1. The scary side. Which brings me back to the subject for today, what are my secrets that I don’t share with my readers. I try to be as real as possible, and share most of my thoughts and feelings, because I think to be informed you have to deal with all of the disease, not just the positive stuff. I have shared my thoughts on the topic before, but try not to be a Diabetes Downer and stay positive. So what I don’t share is how nervous and scared I am, almost minute by minute about this disease taking my child from me. The title of my blog is igotosleepcountingteststripsinsteadofsheep. And it’s pretty accurate.
When people say “we don’t think about the “bad” stuff,” I admire them. I don’t know if I believe them, but I admire them. I still check Joey at 2:00 AM, I have convinced myself that it’s because he ate a pizza at 9:00 pm and I want to make sure that the extended bolus worked. That’s partially true, but more to just check and make sure he’s okay.
Have I aged more than I should have in the past 6 years, YES. Do I lack sleep? YES. Do I have trouble sleeping if Joey is staying at a friends? YES. Do I fear that when he’s with his new group of friends, that include girls, that he won’t check his blood sugar or dose for that pizza they are having? YES. Do I let him stay home alone like a 14 year old should be left home alone, and do I realize I’m overprotective? NO, and YES.
When I read about a child dying from a low blood sugar, who was home in her bedroom reading, with her parents right in house, that’s when my nightmare began. Will I wake up from the nightmare and let my child be a normal teenager? I’m working toward saying YES, but be patient with me. I’m working on it.
So to sum up, I’m scared. I’m a big scardy cat. I don’t talk about it much because I don’t want to scare anyone else. I pray about it, I stay positive, and I keep smiling. Here is a picture of Joey, you’ll understand why I smile a lot.